Sunday, January 15, 2006

Interesting...

OK, as a writing exercise today I thought I would try and transcribe a radio sketch into script format, it shouldn't be too difficult (except I don't really have any experience scriptwriting)



SETTING: Outside a modest house, we see a man walking up to the front door.

(knocking)

(more knocking.. interrupted by)

MR INTERESTING(excitedly): Hello There! I see you are knocking on that door there.

MAN: Yes, I am.

MR. INTERESTING: I see your... knuckles are coming into... contact with the door, and creating resonant waves which set up sympathetic compressions and rarifactions, which we hear as knocking.

MAN(somewhat bewildered):Yes, I- I suppose we do. (demonstrates by knocking)

MR. INTERESTING: Kind of innnnteresting, wouldn't you say?

MAN: Yes, yes it is... Well! looks like no one's home so...

MR. INTERESTING: Yes! It looks like no one's home, but the innnteresting thing is that there is, in fact, someone home and I am him! Isn't that interesting? Excuse me, pardon me for not introducing myself. My name is Mr. Interesting. You must be here about the room to let. May I assume that you are responding to my advertisement in the paper?

MAN: Well, no... It was the-

MR. INTERESTING: It was the ad in the laundromat?

MAN: No, it was the-

MR. INTERESTING: The note in the bus depot?

MAN: No, it was the one stuck under the table in the College of Surgeons cafeteria.

MR. INTERESTING: Ah! That was the... innnteresting one!

MAN: Well, I'm interested in a nice, clean room.

MR. INTERESTING: Then please, come in, come in!

MAN: Oh! Only the top half of your door opens.

MR. INTERESTING: Yes. (pauses) Interesting, isn't it? You see, the bottom half of the door is bricked shut, to prevent burglars from kicking it in with their feet!

MAN: What about the top half?

MR. I: They get right in! How's that for interesting? Now come along. Oh, watch your step, you see, the Vikings did not believe in floors, so we have a vine swing across this pit, which I have filled with old telephone booths!

MAN: Wow, that's uh...

MR I: Innteresting.

MAN: Yes.. yes it is.

MR I: Now, grab this vine and-

MAN: Wuh Wuh Whoa!

MR I: across to the other side.

MAN: Boy is that ever-

MR I: Interesting?

MAN: Do you have to say interesting after everything?

MR I(matter of factly): No.

MAN(relieved): Oh, good.

MR I:And yet I do! Isn't that interesting? Now, step with me into this airstream, and we'll be (wind noises) liiifted up to the second floor. Mind the life-size leatherette dinosaur. Ho-ho Interesting, wouldn't you say? I would, I'm Mr. Interesting.

MAN: But, now now, come on Mr. Interesting isn't your real name is it?

MR I: Oh, no no no no

Man(agreeable):No.

MR I: Of course not. My real name is, I mean, as long as you're interested, my real name is Mr. Incredible.

MAN: Well, that's hard to believe.

MR I: In fact, it's incredible... but not very interesting. Now, this is what we call.. your room.

(sounds of rodents squeaking)

MAN: Oh! Uh, it's full of rats!

MR. I: I know! We call it your room but it's really the rodent room! Isn't that interesting! In fact, your room is this broom closet.

MAN: Oh, now I don't want a--

(door opens, sounds of birds chirping)

MAN: Wow, it's paradise.

MR I: Yes. You see that waterfall is surrounded by bonsai trees, and rice paper walls! Wouldn't you call that interesting?

MAN: No! I'd call that beautiful!

MR I: Not interesting?

MAN: Oh it's, no no it's gorgeous.

MR I: Well, you see your bed, has elephant tusk bedposts.. attached to real elephants! Interesting, no?

MAN: Noooo, exotic.

MR I(determined): Well, how about this bathroom? (opens door) With a microwave toilet, and a horizontal shower! What else could anyone call that besides interesting?

MAN: Bizarre.

MR I: Not interesting?

MAN: Nuh-uh. Not interesting.

MR I(dejected): Oh.

MAN: See, I just don't see the point of saying interesting all the time. (loudly) Not everything is interesting!

(roaring)

MAN: Whoa!

MR I: Not even my real lion-skin bathmats?

MAN(exclaiming): No! That's dangerous!

MR I: You refuse to say... interesting?

MAN: I do.

MR I(excitedly):Isn't that interesting!

MAN: No, no, no It's just normal. It's normal. Now how much do you want for this room here?

MR I: What if I said you could stay here for free?

MAN: ...Interesting.

MR I: Interesting! Interesting.

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